An Honest Fear

The whole purpose of a blog is to be honest with your readers and let them know all of your thoughts.
So today, I decided to share some of the thoughts that are running through my head as I wait.
As I patiently  anxiously wait for my baby to arrive.
Maybe you can relate.

Knowing someone personally who went in to have her scheduled C-Section and didn't return home
with her baby girl, can play a big part in some one's last few weeks of pregnancy.
As I'm sure all expectant mothers have that fear of "what if," I assume the fear is slightly worse
when you know someone that it happened to.

Since my shower I have slowly washed clothes, blankets and towels.
In fact my first load to wash was all of the onesies and socks that had already had the tags taken
off due to being embroidered or gifted a certain way.

My first load to really cut off tags and wash didn't come until weeks later.
I didn't take tags off of receiving blankets and towels until recently when I put those to wash.
I probably waited close to a month after my shower to wash those things.
My mindset was to give myself more weeks along in my pregnancy to ensure an ever growing baby.
The further, the better.

We've officially set up each of her items such as the bassinet, swing, jumper and bouncer.
Yet, I still have the empty boxes.
Part of me just wants to make sure that they continue to work up until after she comes because I
have already dealt with one faulty item that needed to be returned due to the battery box not working.
And then part of me still has that "what if" question running throughout my mind.

It's really quite silly to hold onto the boxes.
These are for my Little Bit and my future Little Bits as I hope to have many, many children.
But perhaps my OCD self just can't toss them until I know I am safely home with a baby and
when I've used them a couple of times to reassure that they do indeed work.

I suppose we all have those "what ifs" running through our head the last few weeks in a pregnancy.
You've been responsible for your Little Bit this whole time and the
anxiousness of bringing them home is almost overwhelming.

You can already almost sense the emotions that will run over you once you see them.
Knowing that they are healthy and safely delivered into your arms is all that matters.
Then those "what ifs" will disappear.
And the empty boxes, and the tags left on her unwashed six month and nine month clothes won't matter.
They'll disappear too.

Growing a baby has been the best and most amazing miracle I could have ever experienced.
It is a huge job with a lot of responsibility and a lot of "what ifs."
It is a little life dependent on you and you alone for a whole nine months.

Now all I want is to get her here safely.
To experience the feeling of delivering a child that I created along with the most amazing man I know.
And then to come home and just stare at this little creation.
And let all of the "what ifs" disappear.

{At least until she starts driving/dating/hanging out with friends/etc...}
Then the "what ifs" will likely begin again.
But hey, God hears prayers and boy has he gotten a lot from me lately.

Anyone able to relate?