Being in the Trenches of Motherhood

The Trenches of Motherhood

Have you ever heard the phrase, “In the trenches of motherhood?” Like whoa, that sounds so deep. That sounds real and kinda sounds like a really exhausting and hard place.

I hadn’t heard of that statement until recently actually. Everyone seemed to use it where I was and there was like some invisible line of which moms were on the side of the trenches and which side had some what overcome the trenches. To be honest, I am still not quite sure where the line lies.

But I am sure that I am in the trenches.

So many of us are. If you’re reading this, there’s a good chance you are too. You clicked this link out of desperation, exhaustion or wanting to feel like you’re not the only one in this hard phase. You’re looking for a mama who is like you — unable to pee alone and desperate for hot coffee.

The trenches are hard, but with each day I see a glimmer of hope of what motherhood will be like one day without children climbing all over me, throwing mindless tantrums and listening like a rock. There won’t be food thrown on the floor at every meal and there won’t be toys strewn all over the house even if I just picked up 10 minutes prior to. I’ll get a solid night of sleep without getting kicked in the back or woken up with cries. And there won’t be little humans incapable of expressing themselves like a normal person.

The trenches are real, they are deep and they can be so very hard to navigate.

But then I think about how much I love this time. Sure date night is hard to come by and going out to dinner with children is a sport of its own, but man, the trenches are so good.

I have little people who need me all day long. There’s sweet baby cries with little outstretched arms just waiting for me to pick up, because to that baby I am everything. And the second that baby is in my arms he’s nuzzled right in the curve of my neck where I can kiss that sweet little head and take in the sweetest smell ever.

My children’s innocence warms my heart because they don’t know about fear, evil and hatred. They only know love. Their minds run rampant with imaginations and the questions while sometimes tedious and overwhelming are also loving. My kisses are enough for the booboos and my hugs are enough for scary monsters under the bed. There’s kisses in abundance and hugs galore, and “I love you mom” for no reason other than just because they genuinely adore me. I can yell one minute and still get the warmest and sweetest hugs; something I doubt will be quite as popular in the teenage years.

I am shown grace and more grace over and over because despite my flaws, I am their “mommy.”

So yes, I am in the trenches. Yes, it can be SO hard. I mean, have you ever tried peeing alone during motherhood — it just doesn’t happen (at least not in the trenches). But what if the trenches are the years we look back on and miss? What if they are the years that mold us into the mother we were meant to be and teach us the most about love, grace, forgiveness and patience? What if they make us rely more on Jesus and what if they make us stronger? What if they break us down to our core and teach us about life?

I have a good feeling they will.

You see, the trenches are a phase we all have to go through. And yes, we want to get through it because we want to see our children grow up and become the people they are destined to be. We want to sleep again, we want to have girl’s night again and we want to teach real life lessons to our children and mend their broken hearts, celebrate their triumphant victories and help them get back up when they fall down.

But until then, until then I will remind myself that the trenches are a gift.

They are a beautiful journey no matter how hard, and that one day I will long for them and remember it with such peace, joy and happiness. The hard will go away and the memories of being their everything, their “Mama” and their whole world, will be the piece that I hold onto so I can forever keep those little innocent and precious babies with me.

Enjoy the trenches mama. It’s a sacred place to be.

The trenches of Motherhood

Photo by Cayle Gray with Gray Photography


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Sasha Savoy

Sasha is the owner and founder of The Mushy Mommy, a natural mother and baby boutique and The Mushy Mommy Village. She is a SAHM who works hard at living as minimal and unprocessed as possible, but never claims perfection. Her mission is to inspire, encourage, enlighten and empower mothers all over to feel good about their choices, to make healthy choices and to enjoy motherhood and all of its beauty and chaos. 

Being a Millennial Mom in a Social Media World

Being a Millennial Mom

Trying to be a mother in our modern day culture can be so overwhelming sometimes. We scroll the feeds all day to see articles about how iPads are ruining our children, Quaker oatmeal is filled with Monsanto and Americans are all going to die an early death from cancer and obesity.

Making decisions as a millennial mother can be difficult sometimes because we have the world right at our finger tips. We have the world peeking in and telling us what we should do, what we can do better and what we are failing at. We are letting strangers in our homes in the forms of media affect us in ways that aren’t healthy.

Suddenly we question everything we believe in. Vaccines. Organic Foods. Homeschool. Extra curricula sports. Oatmeal. Wheat Bread. iPads. Television. Sleepovers. Apple Juice and so much more. It’s a never ending list of news and articles and commentary thrown at us daily on electronic devices that makes us conflicted, scared, overwhelmed, exhausted and more.

Even for the most grounded and balanced of moms, internal turmoil can still happen. There’s the comparison game, the I am not a enough game and the I suck at this shit game. Now everything that we thought we was getting right becomes foggy and confusing, like an afternoon crash where all you just want to do is nap it off.

So how do we overcome this? How do we break through the fog that holds us down from experiencing the joys of motherhood? You may think that I will say that we should just turn off the electronics; that would for sure do the trick. But who are we fooling? We love sharing and we like being nosey. And besides, there’s a lot of inspiration and support found within the cyber space of social media. Whether we want to admit it or not, that mom group we are in has helped us out a time or two.

So how do we stop the internal turmoil that social media, electronics and just your basic news can tell us?

Social Media and Motherhood
  • We continually stand for what we believe in. There are certain things that I believe in that I am very vocal about on social media. There are other decisions and parenting concepts that I believe in as well, but choose to keep to myself. I find that taking part in discussing these controversial topics results in negativity and then confusion on my part as well. I then start to question my decision just because someone else doesn’t agree with me.

  • Stay out of debates. Mom debates on topics, whether controversial or not, just isn’t worth it. Debating and disagreeing leads to frustration and negativity.

  • Save articles that you want to read, especially if now isn’t the right time to read them. If your baby didn’t sleep a wink last night, don’t read some article right now that came across your feed on how to get your baby to sleep, you’ll likely just feel flustered because in your mind you have tried it all. Just save the Facebook link in your saved files (you can do this on Facebook by clicking the top right three dots of the post) and then read the article when the time is right for you.

  • Remove yourself. Remove yourself from negative groups or block their posts from your feed. Unfriend people who bring you down or simply unfollow their posts. Even if the friend is harmless but her perfect life is too much for you while you’re struggling in life, unfollow her feed.

  • Don’t bring up sticky topics. There are certain topics that I’ve learned not to talk about with anyone really because I don’t feel like hearing age old advice. I do my research and know what I believe in, stick to that.

  • DO YOUR RESEARCH. This is where the Internet is a blessing. We have a world of information at our fingertips, use it. Use it to help guide you when you’re unsure of yourself and your beliefs. Use it when the breastfeeding gets hard and when the toddler tantrums are out of control.

  • Unplug. Unplug from social media for a few days, mostly the weekends. You’ll feel somewhat refreshed to not be connected to it.

  • Remember that photos can lie. One square photo can’t tell everyone’s photo. You never know the story that really takes place behind the filter. Remember that some people heavily “filter” their life for social media, so don’t think that everything is always as beautiful as it seems.

  • Find inspiration. I love finding inspiration from mothers on social media, even if it’s because I feel like they have their crap together better than I do. I use it to motivate me to make the changes that I need to make in order to have a better handle on things.

  • FIND YOUR GRACE. I talk about this time and time again. But when you’re a mother, you have to find your grace. You have to find the grace to except the things that make you imperfect. You have to give yourself grace when you fail, when you stumble and when you fall short. You have to give yourself grace to pick the pieces back up and keep on going. You have to give yourself grace when it looks like some other mom on Instagram has a better handle on life than you.

Be the best you that you can be. Not the mom that social media or some article tells you that you have to be. Just be you and stick to that.

Motherhood and Social Media
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Sasha Savoy

Sasha is the owner and founder of The Mushy Mommy, a natural mother and baby boutique and The Mushy Mommy Village. She is a SAHM who works hard at living as minimal and unprocessed as possible, but never claims perfection. Her mission is to inspire, encourage, enlighten and empower mothers all over to feel good about their choices, to make healthy choices and to enjoy motherhood and all of its beauty and chaos. 

Why Moms Need a Good Morning Routine

Sasha Savoy

Some people are just natural born morning people. I unfortunately am not one of those people who function well in the mornings; but I am a mother now, so I have had to learn how to “be” a morning person. Mornings as a mother requires that you have to be a morning person, because there are little humans depending on you to be “alive” with warm breakfast, morning cuddles, a cheerful outlook and the ability to work all of the remotes to put on today’s favorite cartoon. Wouldn’t it be nice though if mornings consisted of a little more quiet time before the kids rise? Wouldn’t it be nice to drink your coffee hot instead of cold and to hear your own thoughts instead of Disney Junior first thing in the morning? 

As you go through different seasons of motherhood, you’ll experience different rhythms of your day. You’ll have the newborn days of waking up exhausted because you had a horrible night of sleep and then you’ll have those toddler days of waking up and being slow and lazy because there’s no rush for school drop off just yet. And then eventually, you reach the motherload of motherhood — making sure your children brushed their teeth, ate a warm breakfast and made it to the bus stop in time. 

Essential Oils, homemaking and cozy living

One thing that I have found throughout these different seasons, is that you will also change with them. You’ll go through the mornings of being sleep deprived all the way to the mornings of being soccer mom fixing lunches and ironing uniforms. During this transition of easing into mornings, you’ll start to develop your routines and maybe, you’ll even have the ability to carve some time out for yourself. 

One thing that I have found to be beneficial to myself as a mother is to have a strong morning routine that includes a little “me" time. You may be wondering how on earth this is even possible? A few months back, I was wondering the same thing. Seeing other mothers talk about rising before the children always seemed like a daunting task that was much easier said than done. 

Rising before your children can be extremely beneficial to the flow, ease and mood of your day. Whether you rise an hour earlier, thirty minutes or just fifteen minutes earlier, having that extra time to yourself to gather your thoughts before the hustle and bustle of the day begins is extremely helpful. 

Morning Routines for Moms


Some reasons why you may want to rise before the children:


To read your favorite book, scripture, devotional or the paper. This quiet time allows for you to get in some light reading that can start your day off on a much more positive note. 

To meditate, pray or just be. This time can be beneficial for many who are wanting to have a stronger prayer life or who may enjoy meditating before beginning their day. Or perhaps you just want to be…be a person who for just a few minutes isn’t being quite so needed. 

To workout. Some people enjoy this time to get in a quick walk or jog, to hit the home gym or get in a home yoga session.

To tidy the home. This can be huge for many. Whether you work away from the home or stay at home, starting the day with things organized and put together may reduce anxieties as you will feel less cluttered and disorganized in your own space. Start a load of laundry or put away all of the clean dishes. 

To prepare the children. While I believe it is best to have your morning time for yourself, some women may need this time to really prepare for the day. You may use this time to quietly pack lunches or prepare school clothes to have a much more organized start once the children rise.

To have time with your partner. Perhaps you can eat breakfast together, read together or just be together to talk and catch up on life. Sometimes this can be difficult in the evenings when there’s extra curricular activities, homework and dinner prep.

Because your peace will rub off onto your children. Starting your day off peacefully and calmly will result in a more peaceful YOU. This can easily rub off your children and help them have a better start to their day as well. 

Lastly, this is just a time for you. To drink your coffee HOT and to hear your own thoughts for a bit with peace and quiet. 

Making Breakfast With Your Kids

Carving out this time for myself has been a huge game changer in the way my days go. Our mornings are less chaotic, there’s a firm routine in place and most of all, I get a quiet start to my day. And remember, I was never a morning person. I'm no longer so impatient and rushed to get us out of the door, things just by much more smoothly now. 

As you fall into the season of motherhood where you actually get a decent night of sleep and you’re yearning for something more grounding for your day and a fresh start, try to set that alarm. Challenge yourself to start with just fifteen extra minutes and go from there. Eventually it’ll be a time that you look forward to for yourself. 

If you’re not in the season of motherhood to enjoy this quiet time each morning, it’s okay. Give yourself the grace you deserve to enjoy the season of motherhood that you’re in and just remember that one day, you will get those fifteen minutes of peace each new day to just be present with your hot cup of joe, and with a fresh outlook for a new day. 

PHOTOS BY GRAY PHOTOGRAPHY, LOUISIANA

MOTHERHOOD AND MORNING ROUTINES
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Sasha Savoy

Sasha is the owner and founder of The Mushy Mommy, a natural mother and baby boutique and The Mushy Mommy Village. She is a SAHM who works hard at living as minimal and unprocessed as possible, but never claims perfection. Her mission is to inspire, encourage, enlighten and empower mothers all over to feel good about their choices, to make healthy choices and to enjoy motherhood and all of its beauty and chaos.