Oh the dreaded bedtime shuffle. The cuddles, the stories and the endless amounts of “get back into your bed.” I’m going to be bold here and admit that putting my kids to bed is legit my least favorite time of the day. Don’t judge me just yet, just hear me out.
“Mama I am sooooo thirsty.”
“Mama can you rock me and cuddle?”
“Mama I need oils!”
“Mama I picked a booboo.”
“I have to potty.”
“Mama can you rock me and cuddle me?”
It NEVER ends. It’s like an hour long debacle every night with my three year old and it has been this way for over a year. And before you get ready to give me your advice, or advice on discipline, thanks but no thanks. NOTHING has worked, but that’s not exactly what I’m hear to talk about anyway.
I’m here to say that I don’t like bedtime. It’s my least favorite time of the day for me as a mother because it gets a little chaotic and unfortunately my mind starts lingering with all of the tasks that I need to go do and I also know that there is a big bathtub calling my name. I get super antsy and ready for my people to just be asleep already.
You see, I’m writing this to be vulnerable here because I am not perfect. I am not supermom who never has bad days and I’m surely not always as patient and kind as I want to be. I’m a mom, just a regular mom who can also say, “I’ve had enough.”
I think as mothers sometimes we believe that we have to be completely balanced emotionally and always in love with each part of every day. God handpicked us for these sweet children, surely if he thought we were cut out for this then we should show nothing but praise and joy. But the truth of the matter is that sometimes we just don’t convey our love so “joyfully” because we are exhausted, frazzled, annoyed or just overwhelmed.
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It can be hard in the midst of a chaotic bedtime routine or in the midst of a hectic ride to school complete with 21 questions about if lizards have babies to evoke joy. Like sorry kid, but I can’t always answer your questions and sometimes you talk SO much that my head is spinning. But you’re totally cute so there’s that…
It’s okay to yearn for bedtime simply because you need a break and then it’s okay to dread bedtime simply because your toddler is a werewolf who comes alive with the full moon. It’s okay to get frazzled.
It’s okay to not be balanced ALL.THE.TIME.
I write a lot about living intentionally and simply and savoring the small joys in motherhood. I believe in that wholeheartedly. But I also believe in finding the grace to forgive ourselves when we feel like we’re unbalanced, annoyed and “over it.” I believe in the ability to say that this is “okay” to feel this way and then to find your reset, your grace and your fresh start later. Whether it’s minutes later, a few hours or the next morning, you’re back to being “super mom” and you’re tackling your precious job with joy and oomph.
So mamas whether it is the bedtime routine that drives you bananas, or the fact that your kids fight like banshees or the toddler who is into EVERYTHING, it’s okay to not be your best at every moment.
We are so often not our best, and yet God loves us more than ever and gives us his mercy each day. It’s the same as a mother. Our kids can be a werewolf and yet we love them more than ever. And we move on and we forgive when they don’t listen and we find grace for them AND for ourselves when we fall short.
So moms, remember that you are enough even when you don’t feel like you are. You don’t have to be balanced 24/7 and your supermom cape can rest sometimes. It’s okay to not have your shish together all the time and it’s okay to even say, “I’m over it.”
If motherhood was perfect it would be easy. But it’s not perfect and we all know it is not easy! Motherhood is a journey where we learn as we grow and we discover all of life’s lessons on love, joy, forgiveness, grace and so much more.
I may not be a fan of bedtime, but I sure am grateful to have these babies to put to sleep into their beds each night. I may not be a fan of bedtime, but I sure love when they sneak into my bed and cuddle up next to me. And I sure as heck love to kiss their faces good morning as they sleep peacefully with the glow of the new day beaming in.
I can find my balance by admitting my faults. I can find grace by having mercy and I can love to the depths of my soul. All because I am a beautifully, imperfect mother taking care of some beautiful, imperfect children who are occasionally cute, little werewolves.