15 Funny Truths to the Third Trimester

Funny Truths to the Third Trimester
  1. The third trimester is the longest. There's no if, ands or big butts about it...it is the longest. And there are definitely big butts involved...ugh, let's not even talk about that. 
  2. Your baby is moving so much and is so large now that you're pretty sure there are more than one of them suckers in there and you're convinced the doctors missed baby #2 on the ultrasound. Or you're giving birth to an octopus with 8 arms...
  3. Once you hit your third trimester you pretty much jump to the idea that it's D-Day soon, when in fact you really have 10-13 weeks left. 
  4. When people ask when you're due you reply with "in a few weeks" when in fact you know you really have those damn 10-13 weeks left. 
  5. The glucose test appears during this trimester and pretty much makes you swear off sugar the week before only to overdose on it five minutes after your test is done. 
  6. All of a sudden your favorite maternity jeans no longer fit and your exact thoughts are "screw it, that's what sweat pants and pajamas are for." 
  7. You deny the face bloat. ALL DAY LONG. No face bloating over here; go bloat someone else's boat. 
  8. The excitement of packing your hospital bags, washing newborns clothes and installing the car seat is so intense on day one of the third trimester that you have to stop and rationalize with yourself that it's still too soon. 
  9. Everyone else is having their damn baby on Facebook and Instagram and it's literally making you contract. Oh wait, that's just gas. 
  10. You swore off cold deli meat because your doctor warned you of listeria, so you're too scared to eat a freaking ham sandwich. Never in your life have you wanted something as plain as a sandwich so bad. Someone have me a platter of finger sandwiches in my delivery room stat. Mom, I'm not joking
  11. You're ready to charge the camera, but damn there is still 10-13 weeks left. Like really, can't we just get there already?
  12. You're making a mental list of all the things to do once you hit 37 weeks: eat spicy food, walk a ridiculous amount, have a ton of sex, stand on your head...am I missing anything? 
  13. You start imagining you have super powers and can speed up time. You swear you have had the longest pregnancy everrrr...
  14. What you crave you WILL get. I'm large and in charge and if I want it then I'm gonna have it. 
  15. You take more naps for three reasons: 1) You're legitimately tired 2). Everyone tells you to soak them up before the baby comes and 3). It's the time of the day where your sweet little Octopus  baby is wriggling around the most and you know that once they are out you'll miss them. 

Did I miss anything?