10 Funny Truths Postpartum

Life postpartum
  1. You look back and can't believe how "un" modest you were during labor. You didn't care who saw what. If they were in the room, then they entered the zone of boobs, booty and hoohah hanging out everywhere (especially true for natural labors).
  2. You have come to the realization that your boobs may never look the same. A couple weeks later you realize your back end may never be the same either. Just when you accept one thing, you have to face another. 
  3. You managed the great feat of having no stretch marks on your belly, but wait a minute...you just found some on your ass. 
  4. The first time you glance at your belly in the hospital is no comfort at all. You didn't expect a svelte figure but you didn't expect to still look five months pregnant. Thankfully, that goes away soon. Also, you may or may not look like a blowfish. 
  5. You go nine months without having a cycle (yay) but then you go three straight weeks following delivery with what feels like the longest period ever. And also the longest maxi pads around. 
  6. Six weeks of no exercise is fine but six weeks of no "relations" with your spouse is a kick in the butt. There finally isn't a belly hindering you but now you have to wait for doc's permission. Or maybe not... ;) #liveonthewildside
  7. Sleep is for the birds now. You learn that women really are capable of functioning on little sleep. You thought sleeping was rough during pregnancy, hahaha. 
  8. You learn that men can sleep straight through it all. You also learn that even though you love them so, you also want to throw something at them, blow a horn and ring a cow bell all while shooting them with Nerf darts. 
  9. Pajamas become your day clothes as well. Hair washes are less frequent and makeup is pointless. (Please note this is just for the first few weeks. I don't sit in pjs all day)
  10. You went from constantly eating and snacking during your pregnancy to constantly feeding another human being. But what anyone forgot to tell you was that you're STILL eating for two. Give me allllll the food while I'm breastfeeding. Who cares if I still look like a blowfish, mama needs fuel. 

And then you look into those eyes, and realize all that stuff was SO worth it. Funky breasts just mean I nourished my child. Little sleep just means I get to see that sweet face even more. And stretch marks are just reminders of the journey my body went through to give us the best present ever. 

Did I forget any funny things postpartum?