Your kids go away for the weekend with awesome grandparents and you're left either alone or just with the baby. You envision days of sitting on the sofa and chillaxing, sleeping in and eating all the chocolate without having to hide it. But what do you do? You clean.
You freaking decided to clean and reorganize everything under the sun. Why? Why in the world would you do such a thing when you have freedom? I'll tell you why; because it is 135 times easier to do those things without kids around. Heck it may even be a little fun for some.
But the bottom line, a mother's home is rarely tidy enough in her mind, therefore she works.
Your baby finally starts sleeping through the night and you're over there doing one handed backflips in celebration. Okay, not really but if you could do that crap you totally would be because you are so excited to start sleeping again.
But then he catches a cold. Game over.
You're finally over the hump of Christmas time and your brain is about as fried as two eggs from all of the thought that went into each and every gift. The good Lord knows you decided on about 90-100% of the gifts (that's just not something husband's are into) and you made them perfect. You need a vacation from being such a bad a** Santa Claus.
But then you realize Valentine's is right around the corner and you're back to square one of working on school treats and kid's Valentine's. At this point you kinda just want to shove Cupid's arrow up his ya know...
You finally can see the bottom of the dirty clothes hamper.
Said no mom ever. That was a joke obviously.
Your child wakes up each and every night scared out of her mind. Night terrors are the worst and you're right there to make it better. Who needs sleep when little ones need Mama. It's our job to be not just mommy, but security.
But who cares if I am tired or was dreaming about the whole cast of Magic Mike dancing at my birthday party. I have bedtime monsters to kick out and cuddles to give out.
You finally tackle that list of to do things around the home. The house is clean and tidy and you're so proud of your work. Only to realize that it is the weekend and you can't just sit in your clean house. There's 4 birthday parties, 2 dinners, 1 visit with Jesus and a few other things left to do.
It never ends, moms. It never ends. Dave Ramsey should have added a whole course on budgeting for the 842 gifts you will buy for people, mostly little booger diggers. Some are cute little booger diggers, some are family and some you really don't know who the hell they are, but your kid does so you're still obligated to get a gift.
You will be exhausted from answering the mounds and mounds of questions that your four year old will ask you. I'm pretty sure that four year olds should come with an encyclopedia so you can answer all of the random things they will ask. Mostly things that you learned back in the day but since you didn't really pay attention back then, you can't quite remember the answer. That's when you either A) pretend like you didn't hear them or B) politely say, "Baby why don't you ask your daddy. He can explain it better." Option B is a very frequent choice for me.
But hey, they may ask more questions than your brain can handle but the good thing is that they are actually curious about how the world works. So as exhausting as it may be, I suppose we should be grateful.
You will meal plan and cook wholesome meals for your family. Many of them will be met with faces of disgust, much of it won't get eaten and the baby will throw more of it on the floor than what goes in his mouth. You will clean the kitchen each and every meal.
But on occasion you'll go to bed and be like "screw the crumbs on the floor that I didn't sweep." And you'll pray that you won't wake up to random insects or animals eating them.
You will drive and chauffeur. You will provide a taxi service, a cleaning service, a butt wiping service and you will be a stylist. You will be a hair dresser, an armpit scrubber, a doctor and a cheerleader. You will be a referee. You will fish Barbie out of the toilet and you will pick boogers out like a mad woman. You will be a teacher and a voice for Jesus. You will be a cuddle and a kiss and every bit of love that will make your children secure and grounded.
You will be it all.
Sure there will be help from amazing husbands, half decent - but also kinda lazy husbands, some grandmothers and occasional baby-sitters. There will be days where you'll slack terribly at it all and days where you'll rock it all.
But the bottom line is, we are so tired because we are simply MOM. Mom is a title with many, many subtitles. It is the most precious title that comes with more perks than anything but with little pay really. Actually no paychecks here.
Unless you count kisses and hugs as payment. If that's the case, consider me the richest woman alive. And the happiest.
But also the sleepiest. Definitely the sleepiest.