Hey there stressed out mama. I see you. I know you. I am you.
I know what it is like to be done. Just done.
Done to the point that when your spouse comes home you're almost on the verge of a breakdown because you just couldn't go another minute. Done because you have cleaned your kitchen four times already today and it still isn't clean. Done because you've been yelled at, pooped on, told "NO" more than you can count and you've had just about all you can take.
I know what it's like to lay down at night and feel guilt. Guilt because you begged your mom to take the kids for the weekend because you just needed a breather. Guilt because you lost your patience today and yelled too much. Guilt because you tapped out during your four year old's 35 minute story about God knows what. Guilt because you feel like all you did today was correct your kids.
I know what it's like to lay down at night and wonder. Wonder if you played enough with them. To wonder if you kissed and cuddled them enough (okay I know I kiss them enough fo sho). To wonder if you really showed empathy to all of their crazy moments or fake booboos. You wonder if they really think you're the "best mommy" ever and wonder if they remember and dwell on your not-so-hot moments.
I know what it's like to feel like each day is going to be a fresh start, but then in reality each day is pretty damn similar. Sure some days are much better than others but each day usually has a few meltdowns, a few corrections, maybe a couple timeouts and a couple of life lessons. Life with toddlers and young children is NO joke. And it can be somewhat similar to the movie Groundhog Day.
I know what's it's like to lean on God and ask him to make you better. To ask him for more patience, more time, more attention and more of the sweet moments. To ask him to make you the best that you can be now and everyday forever.
I know what it's like to only want the best for your children but then to some days feel like you're not your best. I know what it feels like to sometimes think you've failed. And what it also feels like on the days that you KNOW you're doing a damn good job. I know.
I write this post wondering if I'm the only one who fussed like a psycho today at my toddler who yet again can't stop hitting her sister. I write this post wondering if I'm the only one who craved bedtime at the end of the day SO.FREAKING.BAD. but then craved just one more cuddle.
Truth is, I know I'm not alone. I know I'm not the only young mother of young kids whose doubting her abilities (or her sanity). I know I'm not the only mother who has gone to bed feeling completely defeated and utterly exhausted. I know I'm not the only mom who prays to be better, to be more and to get her stuff together just a little better.
Moms, you are not alone. WE are one in the same. We all have our good days and we all have our bad days. We all have lost our patience, yelled too much and maybe drank too much wine after bed. We have all "failed" in one way or another, I'm sure. No one is perfect. And to be honest, is there even a "perfect" way to parent that is agreed upon by EVERYONE? No, there isn't.
So it's okay to fail. It's okay to get defeated. It's okay to be on edge sometimes. But what is not okay is to feel like a failure. It's not okay to feel like you're not worthy of your title or good enough for your children. It's NOT okay to dwell in the ugly. Don't dwell in one bad moment and let it ruin your day. Don't let one hour of the afternoon fussies ruin your whole evening. Although if I'm being honest, this is much easier said than done.
And it's totally NOT okay to feel like you're the only one struggling. Even though truth be told, sometimes I wish I could creep in on other mamas to see if their life and days are as crazy as mine. To see if they lose their cool just like me. And to see if they forget to sweep their floors as often as me too (seriously bruh).
I know I am NOT alone.
So give yourself some grace today, mamas. Remind yourself that you're not alone.
I am right there with you.