To my little loves.
Today was probably a pretty good day, right? We had a yummy breakfast, stayed in our pjs all day and played together. You guys took a big bubble bath and then I blow dried your hair all pretty and then we cuddled with some cartoons. I'm pretty sure I rocked this whole motherhood thing.
Or did I?
Sometimes I wish you could tell me just how your day was. Sometimes I wish you could tell me if I handled your tantrum the right way. Did I help you express your bottled up emotions but also teach you how to handle them the right way? Or did I perhaps make things worse?
Did I show you unconditional love all day? I tried to get down and play with you and read those books you wanted, but at the same time, I know the never ending list of things that often needs to be done around our home. Laundry, dishes, cooking, etc... I try so hard to balance it all, but sometimes I worry if I am even good at it. It's hard to shut a mama's mind off from multitasking. Ask anyone.
Did I make sure to put my phone away enough and give you the attention that you deserved when you tried to tell me all about the the princesses you love and the ones that you think you look like? Did I watch you twirl each and every time that you asked me to?
My little loves, in case you didn't know it, I try so hard just for you. I try my best to be my best, but I know like all of us, that perfection is never possible. Motherhood is hard and one day, I know you will know all about this. One day you will know just how hard it sometimes is to navigate the waters of motherhood. One day you too will lay in bed at night and reflect on the day and wonder if you were supermom in your daughters' eyes. You'll rise daily and struggle through the sleepless nights only to try and succeed as much as your exhausted body can.
I promise you, that if I am ever short with you or impatient, it is not because I am mad at you. Sometimes you can be a challenge no doubt, but sometimes emotions get the best of me as well and I don't know how to handle it either. I mean, having a three year old kick and flail over their broken Oreo isn't something you really learn how to handle in parenting books or classes. Us moms learn as we go; it's a new lesson every day. Believe me.
So my precious little hearts, although I may not be perfect, I try. And although you may not always be in the most ideal mood either, I know that you're just trying to learn how to communicate, express yourself and handle your emotions as well. We are both learning as we go; that's the beauty of it.
We are both loving endlessly and cuddling at the end of the day no matter what hard moments we faced. We are both tucked warmly together with a bedtime story and a ton of cuddles and kisses to end our day with the best and deepest love possible.
I hope you know how much my heart belongs to you. I hope you know how incredible you are. And I hope that you believe in yourself so much that as you grow you'll realize that everything I did was for you. To make you strong, independent, loving, passionate, empathetic and so much more. To show you the wonders of the world and the joys of life. To bring out the absolute best in you every day. To make you the person you're meant to be and to make you the parent that will try their hardest and hope for their best. To make you the mom who lays her head on her pillow at night and prays she's doing it right.
Because then, I'll know that I did my job well.
P.S. I love you endlessly.