I remember it like it was yesterday.
It was a few months ago and we went to church one Sunday morning. Our third baby was only a couple months old and our two year old was for once being decently calm in church and my four year old was sitting looking as adorable as ever. And there right beside me was my husband, helping me balance it all.
He didn't know it but I had to hold it together throughout the whole mass. Tears on the brim of flowing for days and days at the complete and utter joy I saw before me.
You spend your life as a girl dreaming about the day you're a wife or a mommy. The day your prince sweeps you off of your feet and the day that your child will call you "Mommy" for the first time. You smile at the idea of things like Christmas morning, family vacations, movie nights and t-ball games.
You get married and begin to have kids. And life gets crazy. Complete and utter chaos if we're being accurate. Your marriage has less "alone" time and your date nights are rushed because the baby came down with fever while you were out. You shuffle kids back and forth and you have to remember just to pee sometimes.
You have less "me" time because let's face it, motherhood and alone time doesn't exactly go together. Bathroom trips consist of you and little feet - sometimes many - that follow you and watch your every move. Car trips consist of a game of 131 questions when really you just want to jam out to T-Swift's new song. And dinners go from gourmet meals with one child to whatever you have the time (or energy) to whip up with three kids while daddy is working all day.
Sometimes you realize that motherhood comes with it's toll. You can lose sight of yourself, you can lose control of your appearance and you can run on little sleep. It's not always the rainbows and butterflies that you dreamed of. And sometimes, you do just need a good cry.
But then there's those moments, the ones that choke you up and take your breath away. Where you're sitting and looking at the tiny humans you created, with the person you love, and you realize just how picture perfect life is. And although things really aren't perfect, you still can't help but feel so much love and joy that you have absolutely no idea how to handle it. It's literally the best thing in the world. Your children's love and your love for them -- there is nothing quite like it.
And in the midst of that joy and love, there's fear. Fear for the unknown and the what ifs. Fear for the things that we can't control and fear for the what could be in the days ahead. There's a new fear with every headline we read; and sometimes we are just holding our breath waiting. And just like the love and joy that you almost don't know how to handle, you sometimes can't handle the fear either.
So when you're sitting there in church, or at dinner or even just at the park, and you're all choked up thinking about the amount of love your heart has- or perhaps thinking about the unknown what ifs that could break your heart, just do one thing...
Give it to God.
Thank him for this over abundance of love and joy. Thank him for allowing you to wear the greatest "hat" of them all no matter how hard and long the days may be. Thank him for the ability to hear those words "mama" and to feel the pull of little arms around your neck. Thank him for the little feet that follow you everywhere and even for the 131 questions - because 131 questions are better than none. Thank him for someone to walk the journey with in the midst of the chaos.
Give your fears to him too. Give your lack of patience to him and ask for more. Give your lack of wisdom in this season of mothering and ask for more. Ask for more grace. Ask for more faith when the world around you seems to be crumbling in the headlines. Just give it all to him.
I'll forever remember that day. That Sunday where I beamed with joy at the love I felt in my heart and where I put aside the sleepless nights, the chaos and the tantrums and gave all the Glory to God. Because after what he has done for me, he surely deserves it.
Each day is beautiful and worthy of so much thankfulness. But never forget the ones that take your breath away, the ones that choke you up and the ones that imprint on your heart for forever. Because one day, you're going to want to remember just how that felt.