Mom. Mama. Mommyyyy. Mommy. Mommy. Mommmmeeeee.
It's all you hear while you get dressed to go somewhere. It's all you hear while you try to pee in silence for ten seconds. Wait, did I say silence? It's pretty much all you hear. ALL. DAY.
Mothering toddlers can easily make you feel like you are a contestant on some hidden reality show. For instance, you begin to wonder exactly how many times did that child just say mommy in the ten minutes that it took to apply your makeup? Is there some sort of prize waiting somewhere for this kid who just excelled at pronouncing the word in every way possible?
Is there someone laughing behind a camera as I sit to eat dinner with my two toddlers and in reality, never get to sit. Child A spills her milk which requires a cleanup, child B drops her fork which requires retrieval and the minute you sit back down it starts again. One needs a napkin, the other needs more milk, one needs you to assist her with her bites because her lazy self is pretending to be a baby today and the other is legit a baby. So yea, when am I supposed to eat?
Is there a prize for the amount of times I have to flop back and forth like a ping pong ball from one room to the next as both are trying to go to sleep but both have their own damn issues. One wants more milk before bed, the other just isn't ready to sleep and the other...oh wait, there's only two. It just feels like TEN. Like TEN of them little creatures that have me running around like a chicken with my head cut off.
Is there a producer somewhere that writes the script and tells my dear ole' hubby to fall asleep on the sofa again tonight while I ping pong back and forth between my 10 (I mean two), kid's rooms AND while I try to finish cleaning the kitchen, getting myself ready for bed and picking up the house? Because I am pretty sure that someone is paying him to do that shit and I'm not a fan of it. My bad if I maybe happen to pass by and drop the remote on him as I "clean up." Sorry, babe. I do love you!
And lastly, is there a gosh darn sensor under my mattress that signals into the baby's room the minute my ass hits the bed? Because I swear there is one. For the life of me, I can't quite figure that one out.
But I suppose I haven't found the sensor because sadly it doesn't exist. This isn't some reality show. This is real life. This is motherhood in a nutshell. It's the perfect post to send to someone who says, "What's it really like to have kids?" Like for real, you need to send this so they can know what's coming.
Mothering toddlers is like going to the gym everyday - you run around like crazy, people randomly huff and holler, you wear sweat pants and you're worried that others are "watching" you as you try to figure it all out.
But since you may send this post to some girl sitting there hoping to get her egg fertilized soon, let me tell you the other truth. Yes, it's a freak show sometimes and yes, all of the above truly does happen (like every day). But it's your freak show and it's the best show around.
It's your own little world of crazy and chaos and it's your own world of the best and most amazing unconditional love you'll ever feel. These little people make it all worth it.
They make the title "Mom" the highest ranking and best paid job around (paid in huge and kisses of course). They make this reality beautiful. You're a star in their eyes and you succeed in their eyes no matter how much you think you failed in your own. It's truly a love like no other. And no matter how many times you hear the word "Mommy" over and over, you know deep down inside that your heart smiles every time you hear one of them call you that.
It truly is a beautiful mess.
That's the reality of motherhood.