There is No End to the Mommy Wars
There is no end to the Mommy Wars.
Yes, I just said that and sadly I really believe it.
If I've learned anything since the measles hit Disneyland, it is pretty much the fact that the Mommy Wars are here to stay and they aren't going anywhere. And quite frankly, it sucks.
It's bad enough that there are Mommy Wars among us about the differences in the way we feed our children, birth our children and so on, but now I've seen a whole new, nasty side to the action of whether or not we choose to vaccinate our children. But note, this isn't a vaccination post.
All of us as mothers are guilty no doubt; we judge whether silently or to our best friend who shares the same interests as us. Some of us are obviously far worse at judging than others, and some of us really don't give a flying frog's ass what any other mama does. Sadly though for the most part, there is always a war. I'm not perfect by any means. I won't deny that I haven't looked at pictures of a toddler's plate and thought that there was quite a load of junk on there or I won't deny that I haven't frowned a tad when I see a one year old's car seat turned forward facing on the day of their first birthday like it's some grand event to face the front.
I've noticed these things because they are different than what I do and often believe in, but do I ever for a second think that a mother made a bad decision? No indeed not; as I do not know the basis of her decision and in all honesty, it really isn't any of my business. Just like what I do what my kids is really no one's business.
Why as mothers do we feel the need to judge someone at all? Whether we think they are too weird for breastfeeding for too long or we think they are ruining their child by co-sleeping, we judge. Some mothers are afraid of fixing a formula bottle in front of their breastfeeding advocate best friend and other mothers are too shy to breastfeed in public despite the fact that, hello...that's why we have boobs in the first place. Cloth diaper mamas may feel like everyone is staring at them in public as they load their kid's shit diaper back into their diaper bag and other mamas may feel like just because they had a c-section that birth advocates are frowning upon them.
Why is it any mother's concern about what other mothers think or say or for that matter, what any other mother does?
You know why?
Because there is a war that is never going to end, at least not anytime soon. Sadly there's a competition among us all and particularly among natural minded mamas as to who is more natural. Sadly there are those who are shunned for either being too crunchy, not crunchy enough or not crunchy at all. Those who live life more simple and organically are considered hippies, yet I can bet you any amount of money that each and every mama does something that falls into the "natural, crunchy" mindset. Just like most natural mamas do something that isn't quite so natural; like vaccinate their child or give them a freaking cupcake. Heck if your five year old still sleeps in the bed with you then...boom...you've just crossed into natural minded territory.
Since the whole measles outbreak, I've seen the anti vac parents called idiots but yet I've also seen them say things to insinuate that parents who vaccinate are uneducated. I've seen people leave Facebook groups and unfollow pages simply because the arguments are too much to handle. Heck, I've considered unfollowing pages and friends simply because I'm tired of seeing ANY vaccination article in my newsfeed no matter what side of the fence it is on. And I've seen such awful arguments and read some nasty comments that quite frankly, I'm ashamed at the whole Mommy Wars. But this isn't a vaccination post.
It's a post to say wake up parents and realize that your actions, your decisions and your ways of parenting are not 100% right for everyone. They are what is 100% right for you and that's what works. It's okay to want to share your information occasionally and to even be an advocate for certain things, but it's never, ever okay to speak to another mother as if she is an idiot or uneducated just because of her decision. It's not okay to think that she's doing it wrong, for all you know she may in the end be right. While we may never agree with everyone's decisions, we just have to hope and pray that they are doing what is right for them and that if it is a life impacting decision such as vaccinations, that they are really educating themselves from credible resources.
So based on what I have seen lately, there is sadly no end to the Mommy Wars. Sadly rather than pat a mother on the back, we're trying to break them down. It has to end people. Accept everyone's differences and hope that they are doing what is best for them while you rock out doing what is best for you.
And if anything, just hope for an end to the current measles outbreak.
Share your support for all moms, and #stopthemomwar
What is a difference in parenting that you can accept?