Why Mothers Can't Balance It All

Mamas, listen up.

I have something to share with you and it’s something we all need to hear. Like for reals.

Have you ever thought about the pressure to balance it all? Have you ever thought about how you’re trying to balance motherhood, work, housework, fitness, Jesus and like everything else under the son?

I am right there with you. I try to balance it all too and sometimes feel like I struggle with the balance. Sometimes I feel like when I get a little bit of balance, one thing slips by and I lose grip of it and then I feel like I’ve failed.

No one informed me prior to motherhood just how many hats that I’d wear. Whether you work or not isn’t even a part of it, because the hats of motherhood are enough for a full time job. Chauffeur. Chef. Launderer. Butt wiper. Counselor. Maid. Stylist. AND. SO. MUCH. MORE. That hats of motherhood are endless and often times, we feel like we fall short.

I can’t tell you how many times I have prayed to be able to balance things better. To be able to manage things and have more peace and patience and kindness. To do my absolute best for my children.

And then someone said something one day that was like one of those “AHHHAAAAA” moments. There should NEVER be balance when discussing things vs motherhood or even Jesus Christ. Never. Balance makes things equal. Balancing my workload with motherhood isn’t good, right? My children come first. Balancing laundry and my family isn’t correct. My family comes first!

You guys, balancing things makes them equal. Why would we want our children to be equal to our jobs, our gym time or our housework? I surely don’t want that. My children come first. Jesus comes first. My husband comes first. All of those other hats I wear and “jobs” I have can wait sometimes. I can tip the scales because as it turns out, my family weighs much more than all of those jobs.

We navigate motherhood by trying to just balance it all. We have older generations tell us to enjoy it more and let the laundry wait. I’m the first one to think they are crazy because STUFF HAS TO GET DONE. Am I right?!?! But if we are balancing it all too much, then we’re letting the precious moments slip by. We’re letting what is most important in life become equal to the things that can wait. We’re getting the scales steady but we’re missing the bigger picture.

So join me as we try to stop this habit of balancing it all. Let’s take back motherhood and make the most of it. Let’s uneven the scales and put motherhood (and Jesus) back where they go. Let’s stop the mindframe that working mothers have to balance it all; that boss babes have to balance children and computers all day; and that women have to balance all of the many, many hats they wear.

We are mothers. That’s where the good stuff lies. That’s where the tiny joys are found, the belly laughs come from and the sweetness of life lives. That’s where true happiness can be found. That side of the scale is where all of the things we can’t live without are. So I never plan to balance that unconditional love with the load of laundry sitting in the washer.

My family deserves me and all of me. And so does yours. The next time you feel completely overwhelmed, take a step back and adjust the scales. Lift up the side that matters and make them the focus. The other stuff can wait. Laundry can always be rewashed.

I pray I’ve never balanced my children equal or lesser than to the things that don’t really matter in life. But you know what? I’m human, so I probably have. I’ve failed and I’ll continue to fail again. I know I’ve put Jesus Christ uneven to things as well. I’m broken and that I know. But grace and mercy and His love, gives us the chance to get back up and try again. It gives us the chance to change the scales and make them right. It gives us a new day and a new try.

So here’s to tipping the scales to where they need to be. Here’s to throwing away the hat of balance and remembering what’s most important in life. And yes, here’s to likely rewashing a ton of clothes…









Comment

Sasha Savoy

Sasha is the owner and founder of The Mushy Mommy, a natural mother and baby boutique and The Mushy Mommy Village. She is a SAHM who works hard at living as minimal and unprocessed as possible, but never claims perfection. Her mission is to inspire, encourage, enlighten and empower mothers all over to feel good about their choices, to make healthy choices and to enjoy motherhood and all of its beauty and chaos. 

Being in the Trenches of Motherhood

The Trenches of Motherhood

Have you ever heard the phrase, “In the trenches of motherhood?” Like whoa, that sounds so deep. That sounds real and kinda sounds like a really exhausting and hard place.

I hadn’t heard of that statement until recently actually. Everyone seemed to use it where I was and there was like some invisible line of which moms were on the side of the trenches and which side had some what overcome the trenches. To be honest, I am still not quite sure where the line lies.

But I am sure that I am in the trenches.

So many of us are. If you’re reading this, there’s a good chance you are too. You clicked this link out of desperation, exhaustion or wanting to feel like you’re not the only one in this hard phase. You’re looking for a mama who is like you — unable to pee alone and desperate for hot coffee.

The trenches are hard, but with each day I see a glimmer of hope of what motherhood will be like one day without children climbing all over me, throwing mindless tantrums and listening like a rock. There won’t be food thrown on the floor at every meal and there won’t be toys strewn all over the house even if I just picked up 10 minutes prior to. I’ll get a solid night of sleep without getting kicked in the back or woken up with cries. And there won’t be little humans incapable of expressing themselves like a normal person.

The trenches are real, they are deep and they can be so very hard to navigate.

But then I think about how much I love this time. Sure date night is hard to come by and going out to dinner with children is a sport of its own, but man, the trenches are so good.

I have little people who need me all day long. There’s sweet baby cries with little outstretched arms just waiting for me to pick up, because to that baby I am everything. And the second that baby is in my arms he’s nuzzled right in the curve of my neck where I can kiss that sweet little head and take in the sweetest smell ever.

My children’s innocence warms my heart because they don’t know about fear, evil and hatred. They only know love. Their minds run rampant with imaginations and the questions while sometimes tedious and overwhelming are also loving. My kisses are enough for the booboos and my hugs are enough for scary monsters under the bed. There’s kisses in abundance and hugs galore, and “I love you mom” for no reason other than just because they genuinely adore me. I can yell one minute and still get the warmest and sweetest hugs; something I doubt will be quite as popular in the teenage years.

I am shown grace and more grace over and over because despite my flaws, I am their “mommy.”

So yes, I am in the trenches. Yes, it can be SO hard. I mean, have you ever tried peeing alone during motherhood — it just doesn’t happen (at least not in the trenches). But what if the trenches are the years we look back on and miss? What if they are the years that mold us into the mother we were meant to be and teach us the most about love, grace, forgiveness and patience? What if they make us rely more on Jesus and what if they make us stronger? What if they break us down to our core and teach us about life?

I have a good feeling they will.

You see, the trenches are a phase we all have to go through. And yes, we want to get through it because we want to see our children grow up and become the people they are destined to be. We want to sleep again, we want to have girl’s night again and we want to teach real life lessons to our children and mend their broken hearts, celebrate their triumphant victories and help them get back up when they fall down.

But until then, until then I will remind myself that the trenches are a gift.

They are a beautiful journey no matter how hard, and that one day I will long for them and remember it with such peace, joy and happiness. The hard will go away and the memories of being their everything, their “Mama” and their whole world, will be the piece that I hold onto so I can forever keep those little innocent and precious babies with me.

Enjoy the trenches mama. It’s a sacred place to be.

The trenches of Motherhood

Photo by Cayle Gray with Gray Photography


Comment

Sasha Savoy

Sasha is the owner and founder of The Mushy Mommy, a natural mother and baby boutique and The Mushy Mommy Village. She is a SAHM who works hard at living as minimal and unprocessed as possible, but never claims perfection. Her mission is to inspire, encourage, enlighten and empower mothers all over to feel good about their choices, to make healthy choices and to enjoy motherhood and all of its beauty and chaos. 

Being a Millennial Mom in a Social Media World

Being a Millennial Mom

Trying to be a mother in our modern day culture can be so overwhelming sometimes. We scroll the feeds all day to see articles about how iPads are ruining our children, Quaker oatmeal is filled with Monsanto and Americans are all going to die an early death from cancer and obesity.

Making decisions as a millennial mother can be difficult sometimes because we have the world right at our finger tips. We have the world peeking in and telling us what we should do, what we can do better and what we are failing at. We are letting strangers in our homes in the forms of media affect us in ways that aren’t healthy.

Suddenly we question everything we believe in. Vaccines. Organic Foods. Homeschool. Extra curricula sports. Oatmeal. Wheat Bread. iPads. Television. Sleepovers. Apple Juice and so much more. It’s a never ending list of news and articles and commentary thrown at us daily on electronic devices that makes us conflicted, scared, overwhelmed, exhausted and more.

Even for the most grounded and balanced of moms, internal turmoil can still happen. There’s the comparison game, the I am not a enough game and the I suck at this shit game. Now everything that we thought we was getting right becomes foggy and confusing, like an afternoon crash where all you just want to do is nap it off.

So how do we overcome this? How do we break through the fog that holds us down from experiencing the joys of motherhood? You may think that I will say that we should just turn off the electronics; that would for sure do the trick. But who are we fooling? We love sharing and we like being nosey. And besides, there’s a lot of inspiration and support found within the cyber space of social media. Whether we want to admit it or not, that mom group we are in has helped us out a time or two.

So how do we stop the internal turmoil that social media, electronics and just your basic news can tell us?

Social Media and Motherhood
  • We continually stand for what we believe in. There are certain things that I believe in that I am very vocal about on social media. There are other decisions and parenting concepts that I believe in as well, but choose to keep to myself. I find that taking part in discussing these controversial topics results in negativity and then confusion on my part as well. I then start to question my decision just because someone else doesn’t agree with me.

  • Stay out of debates. Mom debates on topics, whether controversial or not, just isn’t worth it. Debating and disagreeing leads to frustration and negativity.

  • Save articles that you want to read, especially if now isn’t the right time to read them. If your baby didn’t sleep a wink last night, don’t read some article right now that came across your feed on how to get your baby to sleep, you’ll likely just feel flustered because in your mind you have tried it all. Just save the Facebook link in your saved files (you can do this on Facebook by clicking the top right three dots of the post) and then read the article when the time is right for you.

  • Remove yourself. Remove yourself from negative groups or block their posts from your feed. Unfriend people who bring you down or simply unfollow their posts. Even if the friend is harmless but her perfect life is too much for you while you’re struggling in life, unfollow her feed.

  • Don’t bring up sticky topics. There are certain topics that I’ve learned not to talk about with anyone really because I don’t feel like hearing age old advice. I do my research and know what I believe in, stick to that.

  • DO YOUR RESEARCH. This is where the Internet is a blessing. We have a world of information at our fingertips, use it. Use it to help guide you when you’re unsure of yourself and your beliefs. Use it when the breastfeeding gets hard and when the toddler tantrums are out of control.

  • Unplug. Unplug from social media for a few days, mostly the weekends. You’ll feel somewhat refreshed to not be connected to it.

  • Remember that photos can lie. One square photo can’t tell everyone’s photo. You never know the story that really takes place behind the filter. Remember that some people heavily “filter” their life for social media, so don’t think that everything is always as beautiful as it seems.

  • Find inspiration. I love finding inspiration from mothers on social media, even if it’s because I feel like they have their crap together better than I do. I use it to motivate me to make the changes that I need to make in order to have a better handle on things.

  • FIND YOUR GRACE. I talk about this time and time again. But when you’re a mother, you have to find your grace. You have to find the grace to except the things that make you imperfect. You have to give yourself grace when you fail, when you stumble and when you fall short. You have to give yourself grace to pick the pieces back up and keep on going. You have to give yourself grace when it looks like some other mom on Instagram has a better handle on life than you.

Be the best you that you can be. Not the mom that social media or some article tells you that you have to be. Just be you and stick to that.

Motherhood and Social Media
Comment

Sasha Savoy

Sasha is the owner and founder of The Mushy Mommy, a natural mother and baby boutique and The Mushy Mommy Village. She is a SAHM who works hard at living as minimal and unprocessed as possible, but never claims perfection. Her mission is to inspire, encourage, enlighten and empower mothers all over to feel good about their choices, to make healthy choices and to enjoy motherhood and all of its beauty and chaos.